Maybe it’s my age or the fact that I’m crazy-busy, or the fact that life has changed so much in the past few years, but recently I’ve spent some time assessing my friends and their role in my life.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I (we) have two distinct types of friends, acquaintances, colleagues…people in our lives. They are either a catalyst or an inhibitor.
If you remember your high school science, a catalyst speeds-up reactions, while an inhibitor slows down reactions. Please understand: I’m not making a judgment about which is better, a catalyst or an inhibitor, just stating that they exist in our lives and we have to make decisions about how we react to their presence. See Mrs. Kaplan, I was paying attention in chemistry class.
Let’s take these in turn. You know the catalysts in your life, they like to stir the soup, cause problems, be provocative, change their minds at a whim, be obstinate just for the sake of it. When they approach, you carefully consider your response to them before you speak. You have a sense of uneasiness when you are around them, they can turn your world upside down in a moment’s notice.
Sounds like a person to avoid, right? At times, I might agree with you. Sometimes you just don’t want the drama; using the Yiddish term “mishegoss” fits here. Hey, I didn’t live in NYC for almost 20 years without picking up some of the language, you kritker (go look it up).
But for all of their perceived faults, catalysts force us to look at ourselves critically, assess our strengths and weaknesses, do not accept mediocrity and cause us to take action. If you’ve been through the Theory of Change process, these are the folks who always ask “so what?” and you’d better have a good answer, çuz they’ll probably ask you again. Catalysts are a necessary evil in our lives for they get us off of our proverbial asses.
Inhibitors on the other hand are calm lakes, unstressful, cool as a cucumber and uncomplicated. Your body changes when you enter their world. Your breathing slows down, your mind clears, you feel a little better about your world and your place in it. They embody peace, the status quo…. everything is fine. Ahh……..
Makes you want to run into their arms and stay there, doesn’t it? What a wonderful, warm, happy place it is. No decisions to be made and change is an unknown word. But inhibitors want you to stay in the job you hate, in the relationship that doesn’t work, in the apartment that’s uncomfortable and in a place in which they know exactly where you are, and where you’re going.
I will admit that there are some unicorns out there. Yes, there are some people who have successfully balanced their catalyst and inhibitor sides, to create a unique creature. In my experience, they are few and far between. There are also those who can transit from one to the other, catalyst to inhibitor and back. It makes me tired just thinking about it.
So, what does all of this matter? I mean, who cares? In my opinion, it’s important for your health, wellbeing and happiness to recognize these people and their role in your life. Try not to have too many of each, but we all know that trying to balance your friends is an exercise in futility. You are with who you are with for a reason. That reason doesn’t have to be the same all the time, in fact it certainly changes over time.
If you think you can control these people, try to control a 3-year-old, the physical embodiment of a catalyst-inhibitor. As the famous quote says, “Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
What do you do with this incredibly insightful information? Nothing. Something. Whatever you want. Figure out the people in your life. Try to understand what they bring to the table. Don’t expect a catalyst to be an inhibitor, or vice versa. Take advantage of their raw abilities and traits. But before you take them off the shelf, read the warning label. That surgeon general can be helpful at times.
I saw one of my inhibitors today, and it was wonderful, exactly what I needed. Tomorrow, I’ll see one of my catalysts; I’ve got to gear up for the conversation, but I’ll be ready for it.
Go ahead, get out that Bunsen burner and graduated cylinder. Let’s see if we can make something.