Month: July 2021

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Father’s Day for Gay Boys – Dan Vera

July 26, 2021 | Poems | No Comments

One beside another—brothers
Seven diviners
of what lies beyond the truths we have uncovered. 
One makes three, then four, then more
until we move beyond mere numbers. 
There is thunder over the city tonight
and of the million hearts we may never see
here in the circle we make commitments
we push the limits of earthly loving. 

Electricity visits again,
and the black skies pulse with light—
currents of power by some capillary action.

Sons kiss their fathers. 
Sons kiss their fathers to sleep
and the rose-eyed boy remembers himself again. 

We are not the sons they ordered
with their patriotic dreaming. 
We are not the sons they expected to come down the line. 

But we unfold
beyond such kind paternal ignorance. 
We unfold within the measure of our time. 
And we make peace with the fathers inside of us. 
And we give birth to a hidden, long-carried joy within.

Dan Vera, an American poet of Cuban descent, was born in southern Texas. He is the author of Speaking Wiri Wiri (2013), which poet Orlando Ricardo Menes chose for the inaugural Letras Latinas/Red Hen Poetry Prize, and The Space Between Our Danger and Delight (2008). In his compassionate, humorous poems, Vera explores the shifting nature of identity. In a review of Speaking Wiri Wiri for Lambda Literary, Charlie Bondhus observed, “so much of Vera’s work is about a simultaneous ‘splitness’ and ‘togetherness’—between Cuba and the United States; between English and Spanish; between revering history and lamenting its fallout.” Vera himself has said of his work, “I love discovering these layers of meaning that serve as a trap-door for anyone trying to be rigid about identity: our own and others.”
 
Vera cofounded VRZHU Press, is the publisher of Souvenir Spoon Press, and serves as managing editor of the journal White Crane. With poet Kim Roberts, Vera curates DC Writers’ Homes. He has served on the boards of Split This Rock and Rainbow History Project. He lives in Washington, DC.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


Born in Swansea, Wales, Dylan Thomas is famous for his acutely lyrical and emotional poetry, as well as his turbulent personal life. The originality of his work makes categorization difficult. In his life he avoided becoming involved with literary groups or movements, and unlike other prominent writers of the 1930s—such as W.H. Auden and Stephen Spender, for example—he had little use for socialistic ideas in his art. Thomas can be seen as an extension into the 20th century of the general movement called Romanticism, particularly in its emphasis on imagination, emotion, intuition, spontaneity, and organic form. Considered to be one of the greatest Welsh poets of all time, Thomas is largely known for his imaginative use of language and vivid imagery in his poems.

A Litany for Survival – Audre Lorde

July 21, 2021 | Poems | No Comments

For those of us who live at the shoreline
standing upon the constant edges of decision
crucial and alone
for those of us who cannot indulge
the passing dreams of choice
who love in doorways coming and going
in the hours between dawns
looking inward and outward
at once before and after
seeking a now that can breed
futures
like bread in our children’s mouths
so their dreams will not reflect
the death of ours;


For those of us
who were imprinted with fear
like a faint line in the center of our foreheads
learning to be afraid with our mother’s milk
for by this weapon
this illusion of some safety to be found
the heavy-footed hoped to silence us
For all of us
this instant and this triumph
We were never meant to survive.

And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid

So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive.

Chicago – Carl Sandburg

July 19, 2021 | Poems | No Comments

HOG Butcher for the World,
    Tool Maker, Stacker of Wheat,
    Player with Railroads and the Nation’s Freight
       Handler;
    Stormy, husky, brawling,
    City of the Big Shoulders:
They tell me you are wicked and I believe them, for I
    have seen your painted women under the gas lamps
    luring the farm boys.
And they tell me you are crooked and I answer: Yes, it
    is true I have seen the gunman kill and go free to
    kill again.
And they tell me you are brutal and my reply is: On the
    faces of women and children I have seen the marks
    of wanton hunger.
And having answered so I turn once more to those who
    sneer at this my city, and I give them back the sneer
    and say to them:
Come and show me another city with lifted head singing
    so proud to be alive and coarse and strong and cunning.
Flinging magnetic curses amid the toil of piling job on
    job, here is a tall bold slugger set vivid against the
    little soft cities;
Fierce as a dog with tongue lapping for action, cunning
    as a savage pitted against the wilderness,
    Bareheaded,
    Shoveling,
    Wrecking,
    Planning,
    Building, breaking, rebuilding,
Under the smoke, dust all over his mouth, laughing with
    white teeth,
Under the terrible burden of destiny laughing as a young
    man laughs,
Laughing even as an ignorant fighter laughs who has
    never lost a battle,
Bragging and laughing that under his wrist is the pulse,
    and under his ribs the heart of the people,
                       Laughing!
Laughing the stormy, husky, brawling laughter of
    Youth, half-naked, sweating, proud to be Hog
    Butcher, Tool Maker, Stacker of Wheat, Player with
    Railroads and Freight Handler to the Nation.

Poet Carl Sandburg was born into a poor family in Galesburg, Illinois. In his youth, he worked many odd jobs before serving in the 6th Illinois Infantry in Puerto Rico during the Spanish-American War. He studied at Lombard College, and then moved to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where he worked as an organizer for the Socialist Democratic Party. In 1913, he moved to Chicago, Illinois and wrote for the Chicago Daily News. His first poems were published by Harriet Monroe in Poetry magazine. Sandburg’s collection Chicago Poems (1916) was highly regarded, and he received the Pulitzer Prize for Corn Huskers (1918). His many subsequent books of poetry include The People, Yes (1936), Good Morning, America (1928), Slabs of the Sunburnt West (1922), and Smoke and Steel (1920).

Those Winter Sundays – Robert Hayden

July 11, 2021 | Poems | No Comments

Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he’d call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chronic angers of that house,

Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love’s austere and lonely offices?

Poet Robert Hayden was born Asa Bundy Sheffey into a poor family in the Paradise Valley neighborhood of Detroit; he had an emotionally traumatic childhood and was raised in part by foster parents. Due to extreme nearsightedness, Hayden turned to books rather than sports in his childhood. After graduating from high school in 1932, he attended Detroit City College (now Wayne State University) on scholarship and later earned a graduate degree in English literature from the University of Michigan. As a teaching fellow, he was the first Black faculty member in Michigan’s English department. Hayden eventually became the first African American to be appointed as Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress. His collections of poetry include Heart-Shape in the Dust (1940), Figure of Time (1955), A Ballad of Remembrance (1962), which won the grand prize at the First World Festival of Negro Arts in Dakar, Senegal, Selected Poems (1966), Words in the Mourning Time (1970), The Night-Blooming Cereus (1972), Angle of Ascent: New and Selected Poems (1975), and American Journal (1978). Hayden’s formal, elegant poems about the Black history and experience earned him a number of other major awards as well. “Robert Hayden is now generally accepted,” Frederick Glaysher stated in Hayden’s Collected Prose, “as the most outstanding craftsman of Afro-American poetry.”

I have some great friends from elementary and high school that I’ve known and kept in touch with for years, and years, and years.  I am so thankful for them; I hope they know that.  I am totally myself when I am with them, and yet they still choose to hang out with me.

As stated in a previous post, I am nine years younger than my sister, so in many ways I was an only child growing up.  By the time I was five, my brother was in college. Three years later my sister was in college. I didn’t have many neighborhood friends, most of my friends were elementary school classmates or high school chums.

I was raised, as I’m pretty sure my brother and sister were as well, to be independent and solve my own problems.  Sounds great right?  Let’s make sure that the kids can stand on their own two feet, solve their own problems and make their way in the world.  It can be a really good thing, and most of the time, I’m thankful for it.

Other times, when you need help and don’t know how to ask for it, it can bite you in the ass. Or when you’re at the beginning of a relationship with the guy who will become your husband and you don’t know how to argue.  That’s a problem.  When you have to go off and “process” for a while before you talk about an issue, you can’t just talk it out. Doesn’t always work so well.

When I got into my thirties, my mother complained about the fact that all of us were very independent, living our own lives and doing our thing.  She complained about it more than once.  My response was always “You made us this way mom. You can’t change your mind now.”

I don’t have kids, at least not that I have raised since infancy.  Just an 18-year old foster son who’s been with us for almost 2 years. You’ll hear more about him at another time, I’m sure. So I sure as hell don’t want to give advice on how to raise children.  But I will say this: be careful in raising strong, independent kids. They need to be strong enough to know when to ask for help, and how to do it.  They need to be strong enough to know how to work on a relationship, because sometimes it takes work, and sometimes you have to do the work together, out loud.  They need to understand the need for friends and neighbors and colleagues and family and siblings.

I hate to disagree with our dearly departed Prince when he said, “in this life, you’re on your own.”

You’re not.

Chemical Friends

July 11, 2021 | Blog Post | No Comments

Maybe it’s my age or the fact that I’m crazy-busy, or the fact that life has changed so much in the past few years, but recently I’ve spent some time assessing my friends and their role in my life.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I (we) have two distinct types of friends, acquaintances, colleagues…people in our lives.  They are either a catalyst or an inhibitor.

If you remember your high school science, a catalyst speeds-up reactions, while an inhibitor slows down reactions.  Please understand: I’m not making a judgment about which is better, a catalyst or an inhibitor, just stating that they exist in our lives and we have to make decisions about how we react to their presence.  See Mrs. Kaplan, I was paying attention in chemistry class.

Let’s take these in turn. You know the catalysts in your life, they like to stir the soup, cause problems, be provocative, change their minds at a whim, be obstinate just for the sake of it.  When they approach, you carefully consider your response to them before you speak.  You have a sense of uneasiness when you are around them, they can turn your world upside down in a moment’s notice.

Sounds like a person to avoid, right?  At times, I might agree with you.  Sometimes you just don’t want the drama; using the Yiddish term “mishegoss” fits here.  Hey, I didn’t live in NYC for almost 20 years without picking up some of the language, you kritker (go look it up).

But for all of their perceived faults, catalysts force us to look at ourselves critically, assess our strengths and weaknesses, do not accept mediocrity and cause us to take action.  If you’ve been through the Theory of Change process, these are the folks who always ask “so what?” and you’d better have a good answer, çuz they’ll probably ask you again. Catalysts are a necessary evil in our lives for they get us off of our proverbial asses.

Inhibitors on the other hand are calm lakes, unstressful, cool as a cucumber and uncomplicated. Your body changes when you enter their world. Your breathing slows down, your mind clears, you feel a little better about your world and your place in it. They embody peace, the status quo…. everything is fine. Ahh……..

Makes you want to run into their arms and stay there, doesn’t it? What a wonderful, warm, happy place it is. No decisions to be made and change is an unknown word.  But inhibitors want you to stay in the job you hate, in the relationship that doesn’t work, in the apartment that’s uncomfortable and in a place in which they know exactly where you are, and where you’re going.

I will admit that there are some unicorns out there. Yes, there are some people who have successfully balanced their catalyst and inhibitor sides, to create a unique creature.  In my experience, they are few and far between.  There are also those who can transit from one to the other, catalyst to inhibitor and back. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

So, what does all of this matter?  I mean, who cares?  In my opinion, it’s important for your health, wellbeing and happiness to recognize these people and their role in your life. Try not to have too many of each, but we all know that trying to balance your friends is an exercise in futility. You are with who you are with for a reason.  That reason doesn’t have to be the same all the time, in fact it certainly changes over time.

If you think you can control these people, try to control a 3-year-old, the physical embodiment of a catalyst-inhibitor.  As the famous quote says, “Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”

What do you do with this incredibly insightful information? Nothing. Something. Whatever you want.  Figure out the people in your life. Try to understand what they bring to the table. Don’t expect a catalyst to be an inhibitor, or vice versa.  Take advantage of their raw abilities and traits. But before you take them off the shelf, read the warning label. That surgeon general can be helpful at times.

I saw one of my inhibitors today, and it was wonderful, exactly what I needed.  Tomorrow, I’ll see one of my catalysts; I’ve got to gear up for the conversation, but I’ll be ready for it.

Go ahead, get out that Bunsen burner and graduated cylinder.  Let’s see if we can make something.

During my early years, when my mother would try to get something done around the house, she would put me down on the carpeting in front of the console stereo, load a stack of record albums and leave me to my own devices. No toys or books or anything; I didn’t need them.  I was lost in the sounds of Walter Wanderley, Astrud Gilberto, Percy Faith and Henry Mancini.

And I was lost in my active brain.

As I got older, like into my early 20’s, I found it easy to get lost in the memories of my active brain. Often I would land in the “Sea of Regret” or the “Why didn’t he love me desert” or the “Man I screwed that up swamp.”  While it sometimes lead me to good places, more often than not my active brain would take me to places that I didn’t need to visit. And I’d go again, and again, and again.

So what the hell does this have to do with anything? Even at my advanced age of 48, I still have an active brain. I have a challenging and thought-provoking job. I have relationships, especially with my dear husband that tests my mettle every day. I volunteer with a non-profit organization that requires, no demands, my attention on a frequent basis. And I’m in a grad program that, like a jealous lover, asks me to continually prioritize it over everything else.

And yet my brain travels beyond those demanding activities and still wants more, still wants to think and test and wonder and problem-solve and fantasize and audiate.

You, dear Alice who has fallen down the rabbit hole, has found yourself in the world of my active brain. Working out my issues and trying to figure out this self-imposed though relatively benign exile which is my life.

I make one promise to you, dear reader: I will always be honest. As a Flatlander in Exile, I have no choice.

Till we meet again, in the rabbit hole…